Published inAbout Me Stories·PinnedMember-onlyAbout Me — Lindy VogelI’m an unlikely mother of multitudes — I was born a poor, Asian child. Sorry, that was inappropriate. I’m neither Asian nor a Steve Martin character. Let me start again. I was born in Yokosuka, Kanagawa Ken, Japan, on a US Naval Base. I’m white. It was the early 1980’s, and at the time of my birth…About Me25 min readAbout Me25 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·PinnedMember-onlySubmission GuidelinesWrite for Sweary Mommy; all the cool kids are doin’ it. — Are you a parent — of humans, pets, sentient LEGO men, and/or plants? And/or are you Kristine Laco? Write something for my pub, please. Teachers, caregivers of all stripes, and grandparents are welcome, too. ORIGIN STORY: This pub was created because a lot of people have Kool-Aid Manned out of…Parenting Humor3 min readParenting Humor3 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·1 day agoMember-onlyThe Most Astonishingly Stupid God Damn Things I’ve Ever Done…Are Some of My Favorite Things to Write About — I’ve done some stuff that was so poorly thought out it would make Anthony Weiner think twice. In no particular order: I let our teenaged son move into a shed. Hey, hey! Before you judge me too harshly, please know there is a severe shortage of adequate housing in my…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·4 days agoMember-onlyMommy Got Back: Mood Disorders, Solidarity, and Theme Park RidesA Recipe for a Healthy Journey? — Living with bipolar 1 means self care is a must. At least, that’s my excuse for dipping a chip back into the rancid salsa of overexercise and body image issues. You used to be a damn ab model, says the sauce. Your teen daughter’s watching, fool, says a blander and…Bipolar Disorder4 min readBipolar Disorder4 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·6 days agoMember-onlyGoofus’s and Gallant’s Wives, Grimace and Grace: A Visit From the In-LawsWith Apologies to “Highlights for Children” and Creator Garry Cleveland Myers — Grace picks up Gallant’s parents from the airport and hand-ties them a bouquet of hydrangeas. Grimace suggests that Goofus’s family check out the app store once they’ve deplaned. Grace reminds Gallant to change the guest room sheets. Grimace “helps” wipe Mother-in-law’s eyeglasses with a pair of skidmarked underpants.Highlights2 min readHighlights2 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·May 29Member-onlyA Mom By Any Other Name: On Parentbloggers, Fierce Pen Names, and Family PrivacyYour mom changed her pen name — I forgot to tell y’all something. I changed my pen name. Laurel B. Miller is now Lindy Vogel. I repeat: Ringo is Rango, Paul is dead, and yer mom goes to college — I mean, goes by Lindy now. Why? Two reasons. 1.) I started to worry about privacy. I…Pen Names3 min readPen Names3 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·May 26Member-onlyGo Play, Young ManRe: Ambient YouTube Noises, Metabolic Syndrome, and Other Costs of Inactivity — It’s a truth universally ignored that kids these days are spending WAY too much goddamn time on tablets. On gaming. On sedentary, eye-desiccating internettia. So there’s a question that’s always on my mind. “Alexa. How do I fucking block YouTube on our TV?” If I didn’t force my kids to…Parenting Humor3 min readParenting Humor3 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·May 24Member-onlySome of Us Never Learned to Play Nicely in the Sandbox — and Holy Sh*t, It ShowsWhy is it controversial to be kind? — “Inclusion (n.) — the practice or policy of providing equal access to opportunities and resources for people who might otherwise be excluded or marginalized, such as those who have physical or intellectual disabilities and members of other minority groups.” [emphasis mine] -in: Oxford Languages [external link] Yard duty Hewlett Patterson…Human Rights4 min readHuman Rights4 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·May 22Member-onlyIn Defense of Having a Shitload of ChildrenMy crazy grandparents were onto something — It’s a crime against the Earth. Indefensible, from a time management standpoint. And financially? LOL. What a bad call, fam. Most of my six children would tell you it’s gross to have children at all. (“Ewww, Mom.”) And yet? I’m so, so glad I had a shit ton of kids. …Large Families4 min readLarge Families4 min read
Published inSweary Mommy·May 19Member-onlyBad Poetry and Other Anno Domini Tales of a Fifth-Grade NerdlingWho could have *known* what a school assignment would reveal? — Troy Doetch’s Slackjaw thing on revised literary first lines reminded me of a dumb story from my writerly life. Feast your senses on this historical fiction masterpiece. “Late day in 79 A.D., Rocks were falling, with bits of debris. …Memoir2 min readMemoir2 min read
